watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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