i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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