ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
