drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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