why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
