i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
