any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm like, not good at living.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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