There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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