listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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