PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
