Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
