when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
