so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
