so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
