Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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