I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
