Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
