So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
