I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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