she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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