Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize