Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
