Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
