so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
