Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

(312): View more from Illinois

Prob not but she was surprised

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

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(440): View more from Ohio

By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window

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(909): View more from California

Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality

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(315): View more from New York

Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.

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