If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
