theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize