im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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