yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
