The best revenge is premature balding
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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