I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
