You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
