I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
