are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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