Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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