I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
