We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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