I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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