Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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