i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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