What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Vodka?
Forever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize