guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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