I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
