What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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