I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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