I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
