there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
