So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
