I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
