OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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