So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
