Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
