I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
