Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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