i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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