I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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