I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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