I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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