Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
