It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
