are you still at the devil's house?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
