you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
