puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
