i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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