When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
