she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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