Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
