My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
