Someone shit on the floor
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
