My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
love makes seman taste better
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
