He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm both gender and math confused
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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