you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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