I am puke
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize